Another language, another world

Wudnt it be fun to learn to different language... something tt few others noe of. Then i can go and have private conversations with myself when i dont wanna tok to anybody else.. and nobody esle will be to understand..

Well unless they learn the language too.... Arhhhh...

Sometimes my mind just works in totally (or not) random ways...

Its sports day tmr bleurgh... I expect i shall go get bored at bedok stadium. No cheerleading this yr you see...

Blah good nite... shall go get lost.

Something Tragic

There is just something sad about watching the place where you spent a whole lot of your childhood at being torn down. And i mean literally reduced to chucks of concrete and twisted metal.

They're tearing down the Tampines Swimming Complex (yes i noe wad youre thinking and yes i can swim.) and rebuilding it again. As part of some bullshit about renovations to "serve you better". As usual they apologize for the inconvenience caused.. but wad if it izzen inconvenience thats caused by this renovation works? Arh well i noe a newer, nicer looking one will be built in its place, but its just not the same. Like forcing a piece of jigsaw tt doesnt fit into the puzzle.

My Own Doing

This is a highly personal blog entry. I dunt like having ppl seeing this but since i have no other avenue to express myself thru, i have no choice.

I often try to act confident and strong. But inside i noe tt im not as strong as id like ppl to believe. Becoz i feel alone and i feel scared. And the thing is, i find tt most of the time i sit alone, and i cry when im alone. Why? Becoz i have so much to say, but no one to say it to, no one to trust, no one to live for. I cry becoz i cannot trust anybody, i refuse to need anybody. It makes me vulnerable and im scared to get hurt again. But the problem is, i keep so much of me a secret that ive finally forced myself to breaking point. And i realise that sometimes all i need is just somebody to gimme a hug and tell me things will be alrite. But becoz im so afraid of ever having to need someone tt i force myself to be alone again. I dun wanna tell ppl my secrets, becoz if rather not reveal anything unnecessary abt me. Let them think tt im strong and capable. Let them keep this illusion of me.

But now i realise tt i can no longer continue alone. Now tt i realise if i keep this up, i wont be able to last long.. Now i allow myself to need somebody

But what happens when tt somebody has decided to abandon me?

Wudnt i be back at square 1? Wudnt i end up being trapped in the same vicious cycle?

A sad, frozen life

He spends so much time being sad that he doesnt have time to be happy.

Its pitiful that some ppl have to learn how to be happy, that they have to learn how to appreciate and experience bliss. Its pitiful that they have to spend their lives figuring out why they're sad all the time and why the world is being mean to them.. instead of just being able to enjoy what they have now, instead of being able to revel in the joy ard them. Or maybe its just that they dont see the joy ard them.

I never want to be like that.

Emotions

You know the feeling when youre throat constricts and your heart stops and you juz feel very heavy all of the sudden? Do you know the kind of emotions tt r so strong it knocks you off your feet and makes you stop in your tracks. The kind of emotion tt really, truly makes you feel... feel like a human.Sometimes its a good thing to feel things like these.. but now's not the right time.. i mean i dont know what the 'right time' is but i know itz not now.. itz not now becoz ive been bottling up so much shit recently and i dunt need to feel this way right now..

Take this pain away.. and let me live thru today without having to wish i were dead so tt it wud stop hurting.. please...